Growing Up

2017-Sep-15 -> from the it-had-to-happen-eventually department Tags: personal writing 

This was going to be a very different post, but I'm not sure I'm ready to post anything like that just yet.

As a writer, I hold myself accountable for the work I do (or fail to do), but honestly, I haven't been doing that lately. Loads of people know that I write. Not everybody knows the honest status of my current projects.

Them: "How's the writing going?"

Me: "Oh it's fine. I'm getting through it."

Lies. I'm not getting through it. I've been having a lot of trouble focusing on writing, and part of it is just the nature of how my mind works. It likes to focus on one thing at a time. The sad curse of it is that it doesn't always focus on one thing to completion. Sometimes it gets distracted and decides it wants to focus on something else for a while.

I hate that.

What it means is this: all I can focus on is what my brain tells me it wants to focus on. Sometimes it's card games, sometimes it's a particular video game, and sometimes it's writing. But lately, it's been mostly not writing.

I have to work hard to stay focused on things that aren't what my mind wants to focus on. Everything is a distraction. Everything else becomes more interesting than what I'm choosing to work on, and then that's not interesting any more either, until I get back to what my mind wants to do. It's a genuine struggle.

So there hasn't been much from me lately.

There's probably a name for what I have. Ask my wife, and she'll express her frustration at a husband who can be so focused on something trivial like reading an article or playing a game, that nothing else penetrates that shell. But what's worse, is that a subconscious part of my brain tries to shield me from the outside world by providing meaningless responses to external stimuli.

Her: Says something important that I should really be listening to.

Me: "Okay."

Her: "Are you even listening?"

Me: "... OMG I'm sorry."

It requires effort to shift my focus, and then effort to shift it back.

Thing is, you... my loyal subscribers. My fans. The people who support me. You deserve better. My wife and family deserve better as well.

I'm trying.

NaNoWriMo is coming up soon. This will be my 8th year attempting it. Last year I barely scraped in, but I managed to finish. This year? I haven't the slightest idea what I'm going to write. I've barely even given it any thought. Heck, I've barely thought about the writing projects I have going on already.

So here's my commitment to you, as an author: There will be something new published by me in 2018. And it will be my best yet.

For your support, for your patience, and for all you've done for me, you deserve it.

Time to bleed.

Thanks for reading!

I'm always interested in hearing what you have to say. Contact Me, I'd love to hear from you.

Don't forget to join in on the conversation in the comments section below.

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